he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize