this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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