Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
