Kiss
Puke
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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