I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
