Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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