i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
