the condom got lost in my hair
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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