And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
