I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
