I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
