I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she peed on how many people?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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