I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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