I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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