Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
