i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
