I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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