Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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