I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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