Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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