i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're like the curious george of whores
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize