I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
