just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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