apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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