Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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