Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
