Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
