Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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