I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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