No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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