My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize