life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
