I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
