Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
