considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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