My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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