I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
