i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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