Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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