i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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