In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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