Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
