i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
