i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
