Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
