you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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