i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
