I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
