Apparently you make a good broom.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize