you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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