I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize