You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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