The maid of honor just puked.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
