oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
