and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
