I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
