I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
