Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
