is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
