Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
