saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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