btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize