So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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