I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
