I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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