I want to make a zoo with you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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