You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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