If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize