so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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