i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
