Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
