I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I pour the whiskey from now on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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