i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
