Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
