You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had to cum in my sink.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
