Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His nipple licking is glorious
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