i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
