I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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