fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
