I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
