a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
