youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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