What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
