i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He has the fingertips of a God
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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