like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
