I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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