Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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