we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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