oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
