Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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