Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
