I puked a lego.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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