my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
