You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize