i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
